When we first married, my husband kept telling his young single friends that a man was only half a man until he married. Shortly after tying the knot, we left for our duties as the only missionaries on an isolated Aboriginal mission settlement in the Northern Territory. The starry-eyed approach to marriage faded and we became the persons we really were in our relationships. Falling in love was not a sufficient resource to meet the demands of our new life together. Now we were to show that we were ‘one flesh’.
My concern now was to learn how to honour the Lord in marriage. How does a Christian wife honour the Lord?
Firstly, God expects wives to love their husbands and children. Love, in God’s terms, is not merely an emotion, which varies; it is a matter of will. Love is ‘invariable goodwill’. We determine before God to do good to our husbands, and we stick to it. Now that I was married, I had to grow up. I needed to learn to love my husband and not be looking for my own way. I was to become “a helper suitable for him” (Gen 2:18). Self-control and purity were God’s desire for me; his Holy Spirit was my counsellor. I had to learn that discontentment was a seed that would produce problems. Purity would fly away if I was dissatisfied with my husband. Impure thoughts had to be confessed. Sometimes, after we went to bed, I would burst into tears and then tell my husband my problem. As I learned to give thanks in everything, I discovered that godliness with contentment is great gain, for God’s will is good and perfect.
What then can the Christian wife do to honour the Lord? The Bible provides great practical advice to women in a variety of circumstances. I’ll focus on what is said to older women.
The older Christian women who are experienced and consistent in pleasing the Lord in their marriages are to train the younger women. God’s plan for wives is clearly spelt out: “to love their husbands, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands so that no-one will malign the word of God” (Titus 2:4-5). If we are “busy at home”, our home will be a place of refuge for all our family. It needs to be orderly and homely, created in an atmosphere of kindness.
The ideal woman of Proverbs 31:10-31 is an older woman. All her accomplishments are summarized in verses 11-12: “Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value. She brings him good not harm all the days of her life.” The best you can offer your husband is confidence in you as a wife. Your total loyalty is involved and this means doing him good not harm, all the days of your life! This is God’s ideal: only in his strength can it be achieved. His will needs to become our will; then we can truly train the younger women and prevent people maligning the word of God. Meditate often on this passage.
In Titus 2:3, the older women are warned not to be slanderers or heavy drinkers. The empty places left when the family depart or our husbands pass away are to be filled by the Lord, and make room for training the younger women. This will do away with the generation gap!
Each Christian wife, young or old, should assess her situation regularly and take the necessary steps to honour the Lord in her marriage. Acceptance of our calling as women will allow us to become the helpers to our husbands that God desires to make us. Then we will be upholding the much-maligned word of God.
Phyllis Mercer was, with her husband John, a missionary in the Northern Territory
