Unpacking Forgiveness: Biblical answers for complex questions and deep wounds
Chris Brauns
Crossway, Wheaton, 2008. 240pp.
She approached me with her daughter after the Sunday night meeting. I usually love questions from listeners—especially if they are related to the sermon. Her question was, but only obliquely: she asked me whether I thought she ought to forgive her husband who had been systematically violent towards her for years and years. I knew straight away I was way out of my depth. I also knew that the answer I gave her was probably going to ring in her and her daughter’s ears for a long time. How on earth can you prepare for pastoral situations like this?
One answer is to read Chris Brauns’ book Unpacking Forgiveness: Biblical answers for complex questions and deep wounds. In pastoral work, it doesn’t take long before you realize that questions about forgiveness are both among the most important and the most difficult pastoral questions that arise in Christian ministry. Jesus clearly commands his people to forgive (Luke 17:3-4). But what does that mean when someone is consistently insensitive? What does it mean when a spouse has repeatedly been unfaithful? What does it mean when an abuser has not repented (and has perhaps since died)?
As I opened Brauns’s book, I couldn’t imagine how he would be able to cover the spectrum of issues that the topic of forgiveness raises, how he would cover it with the sensitivity required (especially for those who have suffered extreme abuse), or how he would handle the Scriptures carefully enough to reflect the biblical picture.
Thankfully, I was greatly surprised.
Brauns introduces his book with a true/false quiz that sets about introducing some of the ideas he will give substance to throughout the book: forgiveness can’t necessarily be unpacked in a moment; Christian teachers disagree about what forgiveness is and how it should take place; forgiveness occurs properly only when certain conditions are met; and there are times when it is wrong to forgive. While I scored 100 per cent (according to Brauns) in the initial quiz about forgiveness, I realized by the end of the book that my thinking about forgiveness has been decidedly poor.
Brauns begins by encouraging Christians to accept Jesus’ invitation to find rest in him by learning from him about forgiveness. He then presents the basic motivation for forgiveness—which is, in a chapter greatly influenced by John Piper, that it will glorify God and maximize our joy. Sadly I felt that this key chapter was the weakest. At one point, Brauns writes, “You should be motivated to unpack forgiveness so you can know maximum happiness” (p. 37). I worry that this type of speaking inadvertently over-promises: the maximum happiness that forgiveness brings may not be achieved in this age due to the fact that, here, not all consequences of sin are eliminated. Ironically, I felt that he had more and better motivations for forgiveness throughout the rest of the book than certain things said in this chapter.
The foundational principle for understanding forgiveness was then laid out, which is that Christians are called to forgive others as God forgave them. Here, Brauns explains the gospel of God’s grace, and ends by asking the reader whether they are forgiven. He defines God’s forgiveness as “a commitment by the one true God to pardon graciously those who repent and believe so that they are reconciled to him, although not all consequences are eliminated” (p. 54). Christian forgiveness is then defined as “A commitment by the offended to pardon graciously the repentant from moral liability and to be reconciled to that person, although not all consequences are necessarily eliminated” (p. 55). Brauns makes clear that, therefore, forgiveness is conditional upon repentance, that it is between two parties, that it is intricately connected to reconciliation, but that reconciliation may never be complete in this age due to various consequences that are not eliminated. I found his care in crafting definitions to be both biblically accurate and extremely helpful in dealing with the complexities of forgiveness.
This understanding of forgiveness counters what Brauns refers to as “therapeutic forgiveness”—defined essentially as “ceasing to feel resentment or anger over an offense or perceived offense” (p. 64). Therapeutic forgiveness is internal and personal, rather than between parties, and can therefore (mistakenly) involve ‘forgiving God’ and ‘forgiving ourselves’. This mistaken understanding has caused great offence in Christian circles, with abused people being told that they ‘just have to forgive’ when the offenders have not repented. Braun’s corrective is therefore a very helpful one.
The next five chapters are based on Matthew 18, and address the need for humility, the need to avoid causing others to stumble, whether or not to just get over it, how to go about confronting people on issues that cannot be overlooked, and what to say to the person who cannot or will not forgive. I found these chapters to be among the strongest of the book, displaying both careful study of Scriptures and proffering great personal challenge to be more passionate about maintaining good relationships and not causing others to stumble when you perceive you have been hurt.
The next two chapters address the issue of responding to the unrepentant based on Roman 12:17-21. As suggested by my introduction, I find that these are the situations where Christians struggle the most to know what they ought to do and think. Three sound and excellent principles are spelled out: 1. resolve not to take revenge, 2. proactively show love (in the hope that it will lead to repentance), and 3. don’t forgive the unrepentant, but leave room for the wrath of God. Brauns then explains why he believes conditional forgiveness doesn’t lead to bitterness (which is elaborated on in the next chapter): in essence, knowing about God’s just anger removes any bitterness about injustice and encourages proactive love to foster repentance. Brauns also explains why there is a crucial difference between offering forgiveness unconditionally and forgiving unconditionally. He finishes with two wise chapters on what to do when you cannot stop dwelling on past hurts, and also how to think when Christians cannot agree, as was the case with Paul and Barnabas in Acts 15:36-39.
My second major criticism of the book is about the appendices: the book has three—one citing other authors who subscribe to conditional forgiveness, one quoting biblical words used for forgiveness, and one that, most importantly, deals with “More Forgiveness Questions”. Questions like “Must a person always stay married to a person who says he or she is repentant?” are well answered—with one unfortunate exception: “How can I be sure that God has forgiven me?” was not answered as carefully as I would have liked. Braun rightly suggests his readers ought to ask themselves if they display faith in Christ and the inner testimony of the Spirit, and if their lives show any evidence of being different because of their faith. However, the inner testimony of the Spirit is not related to a conviction about the truth of Scripture, and consequently is overly vague and subjective. The testimony of works also felt overstated to me: “Whatever you profess to believe … if your conduct is not honoring to Christ, you should question your salvation” (p. 197). Such a statement surely undermines the assurance of salvation of anyone with a tender conscience, and people with questions about forgiveness often fall into that category. The question “Is there evidence in my life that I am different because of my faith?” is much better put, but is in the fine print. The key question about knowing that we are forgiven would have been answered much better by focusing more on the objective work of Christ and his cross and less on our subjective evaluations.
Brauns has clearly done a great deal of work in unpacking forgiveness in a huge variety of pastoral settings, and he has done it with careful study of the Scriptures. He mentions that he has spoken often on forgiveness, and so is able to anticipate questions stemming from each of his points. I found his book to be at once highly readable, careful and faithful in its handling of the Scriptures, sensitively written and full of practical and pastoral wisdom. Many of his illustrations and expressions reflect his American background and context, but their usefulness and power is not limited to that, nor are they too ‘American’.
My question as I set about reading this book was “Is this something I could recommend to people like the woman I mentioned at the start?” By the end, I was not only convinced that it would be a good book to give to her, but that it would also be a good book to encourage Christian friends and many brothers and sisters involved in pastoral ministry to read and have ready to give to people wrestling with forgiveness.
However, a final caution needs to be sounded: books on forgiveness can be extremely difficult to read for people who have been greatly abused. While you may have good intentions in giving Unpacking Forgiveness to such people, great discretion needs to be exercised. If you don’t know the person, if you haven’t been asked by them or if you haven’t spoken to them personally about the issues they are wrestling with, or (worst of all) if you are, in fact, the abuser and you need to repent, do not give them this book. It would be tragic if such an excellent resource became a weapon of further hurt, intentionally or otherwise.
