It is probably fair to say that most modern Christians would regard the small group and the large public church meeting as the two key activities in their Christian lives. The Sunday church meeting is the public rallying point—the front door of the congregational life—in which newcomers can be welcomed, the word of God preached, the sacraments duly administered, and so on. The small group is the power-house of mutual encouragement and Christian nurture where relationships are formed, where the Word is applied to each person’s life, and where prayer can focus on the particular needs of individuals.
Yet of course there is another level to Christian ministry that is equally important, though it is often neglected: personal or one-to-one ministry. While both large public meetings and small groups do provide teaching and encouragement that is applicable to each individual, they cannot possibly be as effective as one individual meeting with another. Here the word of God can be applied to the unique situation of each person; topics can be addressed according to each person’s stage of Christian growth; the gospel can be shared personally with someone who is not yet Christian; and prayer can be focused on the individual’s concerns and needs as they relate to God’s kingdom.
In many churches, however, effective, purposeful one-to-one ministry is either non-existent, or, at best, haphazard. It is usually regarded as being the domain of the minister. Yet, as we shall see below, one-to-one ministry is something that every Christian can be involved in. It requires no ordination, no examination, no qualification and no invitation. It can be done anywhere, anytime with anyone. And it is one of the most profound mechanisms for spiritual growth that exists.
When we speak about personal or one-to-one ministry like this, many people think immediately of counselling, yet this is not really what we are talking about. Solving people’s personal problems is important and, in some ways, it is the easiest form of personal ministry to undertake. However, centering our personal ministry around problem-solving yields problems of its own. It can foster a culture in which personal Christian ministry and encouragement can only take place in the context of problems and crises. It encourages Christians to focus on their personal problems, and can even lead some to fabricate or exaggerate their difficulties in order to have someone care for them or relate to them. Moreover, the best we can hope for in a problem-centred, counselling ministry is to lead people to the point of being problem-free, which is a very different goal from growth and progress in Christlikeness and spiritual maturity.
Effective one-to-one Christian ministry is not limited to counselling, nor is it essentially about solving personal or emotional problems. What is it then? It is forming a relationship with another individual for the purpose of mutual growth in Christian understanding, obedience and service of others.
Let us unfold this definition phrase by phrase, before looking at some practical tips for one-to-one ministry.
What is one-to-one ministry?
Forming a relationship
“Relationships are the most important things that exist”, Broughton Knox, former principal of Moore Theological College, was fond of saying, “because ultimate reality is relationship”. God himself is eternally in relationship within himself. Personal ministry is built on forming a warm, friendly and genuine relationship with someone. It is a deliberate relationship with a particular focus or purpose (see further below). And yet it is a genuine relationship. We ought not to treat other people impersonally, initiating a friendship with them only in order to meet some ministry goal, and then discarding them when it is met, or when no progress is being made. The warmer, closer and more genuine the relationship, the more profound the effect will usually be of one upon another.
Starting and building this sort of relationship will take time and effort. It will probably mean spending time with the other person just getting to know each other—going to concerts or sporting events, building the carport, having coffee after shopping, sharing in the family Sunday lunch, or whatever it might be.
At a certain point, the relationship can develop in a way that promotes Christian growth, but even if it does not (perhaps because of the resistance of the other person to God’s word), then the relationship should still continue. We must not treat people as objects or projects.
With another individual
The other person we form a ministry relationship with may be a Christian we wish to encourage, or a non-Christian person we hope to see converted. It matters little. What is quite apparent is that we won’t be able to maintain many of these relationships at the one time. This means that it is all the more important that more Christians begin to grasp the importance of one-to-one ministry. It is something everyone can be doing.
The other thing to mention at this point is that the other individual you are relating to should be of the same sex. While it is often easier to relate to and be friendly with people of the opposite sex, this does not always come from spiritual empathy or Christian instinct! For the sake of keeping the agenda and our motives pure (not to mention our behaviour), stick to people of the same sex.
For the purpose of mutual growth
The goal of one-to-one ministry is growth. Starting a friendship is not difficult, but progressing to positive Christian ministry and encouragement is a step many never make. We need to be purposeful and courageous at this point. We need to take the initiative to discuss Christian things with our friends, to kick-start a conversation about last Sunday’s sermon or the book we’re reading or the part of the Bible we’re studying. Most people are very glad of the opportunity to discuss these things, and are grateful for you taking the trouble to initiate the conversation.
However, one-to-one ministry usually means going further than this—to the point of suggesting meeting together for a particular purpose: to read the Bible, to pray, to use a particular set of studies together, or whatever it might be. As we do so, our purpose is not just growth, but mutual growth. No one person has a monopoly on godliness or spiritual truth. Out of the mouths of babes and infants God brings forth praise (Matt 21:16). Our relationships should be mutually helpful, even if one of us is more mature as a Christian. It is not a professional relationship of expert to client; it is iron sharpening iron. It is confessing our sins to one another.
Our purpose is growth, and growth normally comes in recognizable stages, step by step. For non-Christians, as we relate to them and love them, we want to see them come to know Christ, to repent and put their faith in him. If the person we are ministering to one-to-one is a new Christian, we want to see him become firm and established in his knowledge and trust in God, and to deal with all the messy issues that people bring with them into the kingdom. If the person has already been a Christian for some time, and is fairly stable in his faith, we will want to see him grow and be stretched in areas that he is weak in, and we will want him to become an active, well-equipped servant of others.
In Christian understanding, obedience and service of others
The Christian growth we are aiming at is mutual and comes in stages, but it also relates to three aspects of our lives:
- our knowledge or understanding
- our obedience or personal godliness, and
- our service of others.
As we minister to other individuals, we can think about what would be most helpful for them by asking ourselves, “What do they need to know? What do they need to change? Where can they start ministering to others?”
This in turn will shape what we do—what parts of the Bible we might read, what we might pray for, what things we might do together, and so on. All three areas are important, and when any one is neglected, the result is a caricature of Christianity. Knowledge without obedience is hypocrisy. Obedience without knowledge is empty religiosity. And without both knowledge and obedience, service of others is content-less, aimless and ultimately unhelpful.
Practicalities
Given these general principles about one-to-one ministry, how do we actually get started? What should we do? We could write much more about this, but here are six practical hints.
1. Start a friendship
Look around you. Think about the people you know in your street, at work, at church. Choose one or two that you think would really benefit from a one-to-one Christian friendship. It may be a non-Christian person with whom you would like to eventually share the gospel. It may be a Christian within your fellowship whom you know is in real need of encouragement and growth.
2. Use a framework
As you get to know the person and build a relationship with them, a really useful way of taking the next step to Christian ministry together is to use some framework. For example, you might suggest to your friend that you study the Just for Starters or Christian Living for Starters Bible studies together, Short Steps for Long Gains, or the Simply Christianity course, or work through the So Many Questions course together, or form a prayer partnership to pray for the forthcoming parish mission. Having a framework or starting point like this just helps the relationship get on to a ministry footing. It opens up Christian discussion, prayer and activity. Once you have finished one particular framework, you might go on to another, or simply read the Bible regularly together.
3. Read together
Since one of the goals of one-to-one ministry is growth in understanding, reading the Bible will be a key element in any one-to-one ministry relationship. Read whole books together; do topical studies; work your way through pre-packaged Bible studies (such as Matthias Media’s Interactive Bible Studies or Pathway Bible Guides); do sermon preparation and review. There are many ways of doing it. It can also be very helpful to read and discuss Christian books together as a way of attacking a particular issue.
4. Pray together
As we read together, we should respond in prayer together. God’s word is sharp and active. It will challenge and rebuke us, and as it does, so we should confess our sins to each other, and pray for each other.
We can also commit ourselves to pray for others—for the work of our church, for particular people we know, for the work of the gospel further afield, and so on. This is a valuable work for the kingdom that we can encourage and help each other to do.
5. Do things together
One of the most beneficial ways of helping each other grow in serving others is simply to do it together. Take on a Sunday school class with your friend. Do some doorknocking on behalf of your congregation. Run a Bible study group together. Help in some work of mercy or social relief together. The possibilities are endless. As you work at something side by side, you not only get to know each other and share with each other, you model Christian love and service. You teach each other skills in Christian ministry.
6. Keep at it
One final tip: long-term Christian friendships in which there is frequent contact over many years (even if that contact is sometimes very brief) is far more effective than a few deep and meaningfuls. One-to-one ministry does not necessarily mean having long, late-night, intense conversations, although sometimes that may happen. It is really about sharing your life with another person over many years, and, through example, prayer and the truth of God’s word, seeing them grow in Christ. Brief regular chats over morning tea, in the car on the way home, on the phone, and so on, have an enormous impact over time.
There is enormous flexibility in one-to-one ministry. It would be very common for people to meet weekly for discussion, Bible study and prayer, but this is by no means the only way to do it. Your circumstances may make this difficult. Don’t let that stand in your way! You may only be able to get together once a month for some Bible reading and prayer. If so, make an effort just to keep in touch in between times, even briefly. You may both have to do some shopping or have some other chore. Do it together. Be creative and use the normal rhythms of life to keep in contact.
There are few more pressing and strategic avenues of Christian work than one-to-one ministry. Yet many Christians sit in churches week by week thinking, “There’s nothing for me to do in this church. I just can’t get involved. All the jobs are taken.” This is akin to sitting on a battlefield with a gun in your hand and the enemy on all sides and saying, “There’s nothing for me to do. All the sergeant’s and captain’s jobs are taken. Until someone specifically invites me to get involved, I guess I’ll just have to remain a passive onlooker.”
All around us in church are individuals floundering or stagnating in their Christian lives. With an open Bible, a prayerful heart and a willingness to share our lives with others, we have all the weapons we need to have an enormous impact on other’s lives.
Can you see the possibilities?
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© Matthias Media. Reproduced by permission. For more information about Matthias Media or resources to use in one-to-one ministry see www.matthiasmedia.com.au [or in the USA: www.matthiasmedia.com].
