As Tony Payne mentioned in his ‘Couldn’t Help Noticing’ column, the Australia Institute has published a report—Youth and Pornography in Australia—the first survey of Australian teenagers’ exposure to pornography on the internet. It shows that 84 per cent of boys and 60 per cent of girls aged 16 and 17 have stumbled onto sex sites on the internet. In addition, 38 per cent of boys and 2 per cent of girls say they have sought out sex sites. For boys, 73 per cent report that they have watched X-rated videos, with 20 per cent accessing these monthly. 11 per cent of girls have watched an X-rated video.
The report concludes that there is a clear link between the consumption of pornography and aggressive sexual behaviour among young men and the emotional disturbance of those who see these images on the internet.
The whole issue raises serious problems for those raised in a sexually permissive, sexually tolerant society. Adele Horin (The Sydney Morning Herald, 3/3/03) observes that adults influenced by the liberal 1960s have refused to confront the issue through fear of being labelled wowsers.
As Christians, we ought not to avoid the issue for fear of that label. Nor ought we to stick our heads in the sand and pretend it isn’t an issue that affects Christian life and ministry. Rather, we should examine our own hearts and behaviour, and in love, seek to help our brothers and sister who may struggle in this area. We need to take time to pray, read and reflect on Scripture, and think about how to offer genuine help in this important area.
Here are some thoughts I have had on how to go about this.
Being one who struggles
If you are one who has struggled or continues to struggle in this area, the sad news is that you are very much not alone. The internet hasn’t created a new problem, but it has made an old problem all the more accessible to people who in the past, may have successfully avoided it. What do you do if this is a struggle for you?
Firstly, the Bible requires radical surgery for sin. Jesus’ word to us might run something like this: “If your modem leads you to sin, tear it out and throw it away. For it is better that you lose a piece of hardware than that your whole body be thrown into hell.”
The human heart is wicked and deceitful above all things (Jer 17:9); don’t fool yourself about where the problem starts for you. If it becomes a problem having the computer in a private room (like a home office), think about moving it to the lounge room. You may even need to consider whether you ought to have an internet connection at all. The stakes are that high. There is no point having brilliant communications networks if they are highways to sin.
Better to have to use the telephone and snail mail than fall into sexual temptation online.
Second, talk to someone. It is often very helpful to talk to a Christian friend about these struggles. Raising the subject of sexual struggles sometimes has the effect of strengthening those involved; it is as if the deeds done in secret lose some of their appeal, and desire loses some of its power when others know about it.
Third, know God’s forgiveness. Sexual sin can shake our knowledge and acceptance of God’s forgiveness powerfully. Once the actions have been repented of, and plans to avoid temptation in the future have been established, be sure to meditate on God’s emphatic promises to forgive and forget through the work of the Lord Jesus Christ.
Fourth, deal with the effects of this sin on your relationships. There may be serious reparative work required between spouses when one has been involved with pornography. This may take the form of talking about the activity; it may mean re-examining the sexual relationship within the marriage; it may take quite some time to sort through. Again, I emphasize that the stakes are high with sexual sin.
Helping others
There are a few things to consider when aiming to minister to those under your care on this issue.
The need to raise the issue
We avoid the subject of pornography because it feels intrusive and too personal. But now more than ever, we need to accept its importance and find ways to talk about it. What’s more, in raising the issue, there is often an enormous sense of relief for the person we are seeking to help. We are often the first person to bring it up, and sometimes they find it a great help to have someone to speak with, read the Bible with and pray about this fundamental area of life.
Be proactive
Don’t wait for people to raise issues concerning sex. They usually won’t. Quizzing someone about his or her sex life can be just a little confronting. You have to take the initiative. It’s not too difficult. The easiest way is to talk about your own struggles and how you have worked at being godly in this area. As others hear you being honest about temptation, sin, forgiveness, self-control and the practical measures you take to be pure, they will feel that they can trust you with their private struggles. One obvious way of getting the subject on the agenda is to do some Bible studies on sex and marriage—in groups or with individuals.
Good diagnostic skills
As ministers (lay or otherwise), we often diagnose behaviour wrongly. If a member of our church or Bible study group is erratic in attendance, or finding it hard to pray and read the Bible, or if they’re having doubts about the faith, we tend to immediately jump to the solution. So we speak with them about commitment to the group, or about loving the Word, or about reshaping their life priorities. But we may, in fact, be missing the real spiritual struggle that is going on—a struggle which may involve sexual temptation. I learned years ago to assume that some problem with sex is one of the most likely causes of people drifting away from Christian things. The guilt and shame of sexual temptation and sin will affect everything else. Let this be at least one of the things you consider when caring for your ‘drifters’. However, it will require some skill and a great deal of love when enquiring about whether there is a problem in this area. Take care, lest they close the door on you completely.
The right assumptions
Easy access to pornography on the internet is a new factor that is exposing youth (and adults) more frequently to increasingly vile forms of sexual depravity. With men in particular, we might assume they are having some problem in this area and that they are covering it up. This includes Christian men. My experience is that the problems in this area are always worse than I thought. Many I know have thrown out their computer or shut down their internet link to deal with temptation.
Resources on sex from Matthias Media
- One Flesh: A practical guide to honeymoon sex and beyond, by Amelia and Greg Clarke.
- Pure Sex by Tony Payne and Phillip Jensen.
- What some of you were: stories about Christians and homosexuality by Chris Keane (ed.)
- In the pipeline: the new Love, Sex and Marriage CD. Sermons by Phillip Jensen.
