“When I have disagreements with my pastor, how can I deal with them in a godly way?”
This question is a subset of the question “What do I do when I disagree with any brother or sister in Christ”? Since the Bible is for realists and not romantics, it gives us guidelines for action. God knows that we are sinful people and he doesn’t pretend that such events won’t happen.
However before we look at some of those Scriptures, let us backtrack and make some comments about people living in fellowship with each other. I take it that you pray regularly for the pastor of your church and for yourself in relationship with him and the other members of your congregation. I assume that you are “making every effort to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace” (Eph 4:3) and that you see this unity to have evangelistic consequences (Jn 13: 34-35; 17:21).
I assume that you, like me, pray for your pastor that he will be a “good minister of Jesus Christ” (1 Tim 4:1-8; 2 Tim 2:14-19). I assume that you seek to encourage him and that you respect him highly as one “set over you in the Lord” (Heb 13:17). I know that these are big ‘asks’; yet without them there is no real foundation in fellowship to stabilize our relationships.
Having said all this, what should I do when I disagree with him?
That depends on the nature of the disagreement.
Suppose he has sinned against me. Then the way to handle this is set out for us in Matthew 18:15-19. I am to speak to him privately. If this does not have any effect, I am to take others with me. I assume that this is so they can judge whether I am at fault or he is. If they are convinced that he is to blame and there is still no repentance, then the matter is to be brought before the church. This would, I hasten to say, be a terrible scenario and I hope does not happen. It has never happened in any church that I have attended.
But what if the disagreement is about the nature of the gospel? We have in Galatians 2:11-16 the description of two church leaders in strong opposition to each other over a decision taken by one which nullified the gospel. Paul rebuked Peter publicly because he had sinned publicly. Such a disagreement was very serious indeed. I doubt whether Peter had thought out the implications of what he was doing. He may have acted from the best of motives. He may have thought that by such actions he would be able to preach the gospel better to the Jews back in Jerusalem. However, whatever the motives, the action had bigger and more far-reaching implications, and so the rebuke was necessary. If it is the gospel that is at stake then action must be taken. It is important and must not be left in the hope that all will be well.
If the pastor, for some reason or another, does not know the gospel or does not preach it, then I think that I would want that situation to change by one of us leaving. However you may be in a situation where there are not other gospel teaching churches available to you. I have been in such a situation. I stayed because I had ministries in that congregation. However, it is less than satisfactory. Nothing could be worse than for a father to have to correct, with his family, the mistakes that have been taught from the pulpit.
But what if the disagreement is over some aspect of the church life? It might be about the meeting (e.g. the preaching program, the length of the sermons, the music, who preaches, who doesn’t), or the overall church program (do you have a weekly Bible study at the church or do you have small groups), or the evangelistic program. What if the disagreement is one of temperament or a personality clash? The latter is to be lived with and made to work, or our oneness in Christ doesn’t mean much. I’m not saying it is easy but it is necessary (see Phil 4:2-3). The former can be spoken about to the pastor and made a matter of prayer. It will depend on the way the congregation is ‘run’ as to whether the congregation could be appealed to. In my congregation there is no such mechanism. I knew that when I joined it and I am happy with it. Disagreements in these areas call for solutions in agreement with Christian love and care for one another. We might, in the end, have to agree to disagree. When the truth of the gospel is not the issue then the way we treat each other certainly enhances the gospel (see Titus 2:10).
I attend a congregation where there are three other congregations who share the church building and the ministry team. These four congregations are different in style but have the same teaching programs. This offers our members a range of styles of meetings, which I have appreciated.
If, in fellowship with the other members of the congregation, you discover that you are at fault, then repent quickly and get them to pray for you.
As in most other matters, remember the first fifty years are the hardest.
