Elizabeth Moberly, author of Homosexuality, a New Christian Ethic, has this to say about homosexuality:
The secular media could very easily give the impression that all homosexuals support the gay lifestyle, but this is very far from true. Many thousands of homosexuals are not committed to a gay identity. They want change, and they seek help in making this change. People are entitled to make their own choices for their own lives. But the point is that for many homosexuals change is their choice. No-one can be forced to change. However, when people choose change, that choice deserves to be respected and supported.
How can we in the church be a helpful part of the process of change for the many Christians who struggle in this area?
In looking at homosexuality in the local church, we need to realize that it is an emotive subject. It is painful for those who are affected by it, invokes anger for those who are offended by the ‘in your face’ attitude of the gay community, and in many cases it engenders fear and confusion for those who are uninformed.
I think it’s helpful if we see homosexuality as a two-sided coin.
On one side, we have the gay community which includes those who have chosen homosexuality as their lifestyle, and there are some in the gay community who have been hurt by the church and feel that they have no place in the body of Christ. This belief would be enforced by the behaviour of some Christians as well as what the media says about the church’s attitude to homosexuality.
On the other side of the coin we have the many Christians who are struggling with unwanted homosexual feelings in an environment (the Church) which for the most part doesn’t understand (and in some cases, doesn’t want to understand) the condition or the process involved for those who want change.
We also need to realize that healing for the homosexual is not a rare thing. I am but one of many who have experienced change and recovery. I believe that if the church wants to be an effective and helpful part of the change process, there are many within it who need to deal with their fear of homosexuality and educate themselves about the subject. Many Christians are confused and disgusted by homosexuality, and unfortunately there are many who have incorporated their prejudices into their theology.
So how do we begin in preparing ourselves to deal with homosexuality in the local church?
Coming out of denial
It has been said that before we can deal with a problem we need to admit that a problem exists. So for many the starting point will be in admitting that the problem is in our churches. Many churches would deny that any of their members struggle with homosexual attraction.
Briar Whitehead, author of Craving For Love, says,
In the ex-gay movement’s experience, every congregation of 200 has at least 5 to 10 men struggling with homosexual attraction, and at least 2 to 5 women … Some would argue the figures are even higher in the church than in the general community, given that people often turn to religion when they are looking for answers.
Joe Dallas, author of Desires in Conflict and an ex-gay, says,
The church doesn’t seem to think it has any homosexual members, so these people, in turn, find scant encouragement in the church. Theirs is a problem which isn’t supposed to exist among Christians, so they struggle alone, silently praying for deliverance and aching for the comfort of a listening ear or a bit of compassion.
Scripture
We must not rewrite or water down the Scriptures. The Bible clearly states that heterosexuality is God’s intent for humankind. It also presents all sexual behaviour outside of marriage as sin and not God’s best for us.
When I came out of the gay community I was looking for truth and direction. My gay friends said I was a fool. The church could only put homosexual people down and had no idea of how to assist in the process of recovery. I found my direction from the Bible. It was the only safe place for me to go. The Bible gave me a true picture of God as a Father and his unconditional love for all his children, regardless of their struggles. My own father had not been able to parent me as I needed, the church had not been able to supply unconditional acceptance of me, but I found through the Scriptures that God would do these things for me. I learned healthy boundaries from the reading of Scripture. It was there I learned the things I needed to function in a whole way. In 2 Timothy 3:16 we are told that “ Scripture is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness”.
I shudder to think what may have happened to me if I had gone to a counsellor, or to a church, who had affirmed me in my homosexuality. If that had happened I may well have been dead from AIDS now. Many of the people I knew back then are now dead.
Education and the role of Churches
Churches should provide support and education for the many people who struggle with unwanted homosexual feelings. As I have already said, many people do not want to live a gay lifestyle and the church must start to provide for these people. It is not good enough to sit in judgement or silence about homosexuality. Many people struggle with this problem or have been affected by the homosexuality of a loved one.
We need to start educating ourselves about this subject and then passing it on to others. Churches can and should play a very effective role in the process of discipling and caring for these people by reading about homosexuality and offering love, acceptance and support, and not the attitude of fear and rejection that is so often present in our churches.
If Christian churches want to be effective in the helping process, there are many who will need to deal with their fears and any other unhealthy attitudes they have towards homosexuality. One common attitude seems to be that homosexuals are beyond redemption and not worth bothering about. That view is certainly not true or scriptural. The Bible presents homosexuality as one sin among many.
I am constantly amazed at the double standards within the church. As Earl Wilson says in his book Counselling and Homosexuality:
We believe that lying is a sin, yet we reach out to liars. We believe that adultery is a sin and find compassion for the adulterer. We believe that the practice of homosexuality is a sin and close our doors to both the practising homosexual and the person who is trying hard to obey God.
He goes on to say, “We can’t help the hurting or bring life to those who need God when they only feel our rejection”. You don’t have to be a professional counsellor or a psychiatrist to help the Christian who struggles in this area. A caring and understanding attitude goes a long way in helping people to feel loved, understood and not abandoned to the ‘too hard basket’. Homosexuality is just the outward symptom of deeper emotional needs. We need not be frightened by it. As someone once said “Homosexuals are not the enemy outside, they are often the wounded within”.
Let’s summarize the steps I have suggested as a way ahead for the church.
- We need to come out of denial about homosexuality and admit it is in our churches.
- We need to uphold all Scripture as the inspired word of God and be very careful not to rewrite it according to our own perceptions.
- We need to educate ourselves about homosexuality and work out ways of offering support to the many who struggle with or are affected by homosexuality.
Sy Rogers, a well-known speaker on the subject of homosexuality and himself now ex-gay, once said that “it’s not heterosexuality that gets us a ticket to heaven; it’s a relationship with Jesus”.
To the many Christians who are struggling with unwanted homosexual feelings, I would say to you: there is hope and healing for you as you struggle with your unwanted homosexual feelings. You are not a second-class Christian. Jesus’ death was for you as well. God is not ashamed of you. He is your Father and longs to lavish his love, forgiveness and care on you. You are not an unwanted child. Your life can be a powerful testimony to the grace, healing and love of our Father, so walk proudly into the glorious riches and the full inheritance God has for all his children.
