I watched a program earlier this year that ‘exposed’ a clinic in Melbourne accused of pushing pro-life counselling on pregnant women. The clinic includes graphic descriptions of the foetus’s experience during abortion as part of its pre-abortion counselling. When accused of shock tactics, the counsellor replied “It’s not shock tactics but it is shocking”.
Of course, the point of the program was that such ‘tactics’ were uncaring, misguided and manipulative and in no one’s best interest. The abortion practitioners demanded, instead, ‘helpful, supportive and non-manipulative counselling’ which claimed neutrality. By this it would seem they meant the ‘supportive’ approval of abortion and the ‘non-manipulative’ neglect of the baby’s well-being and the ‘helpful’ omission of any alternative path.
No doubt, this counselling is carried out in a caring and professional tone, but by definition it is unlikely to give a balanced view on the wisdom of abortion.
However, with one out of four pregnancies being terminated, such abortion clinics have no shortage of clientele. And with the statistics so high, the chances are that amongst the women with whom we work, live, socialise, and even fellowship, there are women who have had or will have an abortion, and men who have encouraged or grieved the loss of their progeny.
Whilst as a society and as a church we are now more comfortable discussing and dealing with intimate sin and personal pain, abortion remains a dark, unspoken history.
But why would a woman choose to have an abortion?
Of course there are many reasons. Occasionally, very occasionally, it is for genuine health reasons when the mother’s health is seriously at risk from the pregnancy. Occasionally the developing baby has congenital abnormalities that are incompatible with life independent of the womb and this inevitable death is effected prematurely. There are some who despite such a diagnosis, proceed with the pregnancy and let ‘nature take its course’, growing and experiencing pregnancy with the knowledge that only heartache will ensue. Such agonising choices are laid before mothers (and fathers) who had otherwise hoped for the blessings of conception and parenthood.
Our hearts can only go out to such people.
It is not these people principally, for whom I write. Instead it is for the many women, married and unmarried, who find themselves with an ‘unwanted’ pregnancy. They are the ones who make their decisions, lose their children and suffer the guilt and grief in silence.
Their choice may arise from economic, physical or emotional strain. It may be a ‘better late than never’ contraceptive, when contraception is unavailable or forbidden (eg. Catholics). Most commonly, it is because the pregnancy was unplanned and the child proves an unwelcome interruption to the mother’s own ‘youth’, education, career, lifestyle or intended life path.
Furthermore, for single women abortion offers the avoidance of shame and/or a forced marriage and because of this, for Christian women particularly, abortion provides a silent solution to public judgment and stigma.
The way ahead: for churches
Whatever the reason, the cost in dollars, in human life and in heartache, is incalculable. So how should we respond? What is the way forward?
Understanding
As Christians we must begin by understanding.It is a rare woman, Christian or non-Christian, who feels no remorse about her decision to abort. There are feelings of guilt and a very real sense of grief, that may take years to surface. Often the need for quick decisions or the immaturity of the mother prevents the full nature of the tragedy being felt and, with the passing of time, the lost life takes on significance it may not have initially held to the mother (or, it must be said, the father).
Such understanding is communicated by listening and kindness. Understanding takes time, and takes place within the framework of relationships—it is not an abstract concept that can be administered at a distance. We need to invest our time, energies, prayers and concern in relationships, so we can love sincerely, share one another’s burdens (Gal 6:2) and weep with those who weep (Rom 12:9ff).
Evangelizing
Consequently, there are numbers of non-Christian women hungry to hear the gospel of forgiveness. We are responsible for getting this gospel to them, praying for and counselling them as they come to faith and forgiveness. In God’s amazing grace, the experience of abortion can drive some women to faith in Christ, in their search for answers and healing.
We must communicate that nothing can separate men and women from the love of God. So often in our discussions of the Cross we are sanitized and ‘middle class’—proclaiming Christ’s forgiveness with illustrations of tax evasion and unruly tongues and tempers. Of course, Christ’s death is sufficient for these sins, but also those dark sins from which even sinners recoil.
The apostle Paul is a worthy example at this point. Acts portrays the unconverted Saul as a man committed to destroying God’s work, and by his own admission Paul was a violent man, a persecutor and blasphemer. He was not a ‘white-collar’ sinner! Yet he boldly claims that the grace of God was poured out abundantly on him and that ‘Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners’ —of whom he was the worst (1 Tim 1: 15). Elsewhere he points out that if God is for us who can be against us? And further, that nothing can separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus (Rom 8:31, 38f). The only sin from which there is no reprieve, is that of rejecting the love and forgiveness of Christ. When we turn to Christ, his grace is all-sufficient.
Pastoring
As Christian teachers, leaders and congregations, statistics force us to recognise that some within our fellowship will have undergone abortions. They need our care and acceptance.
There may be grief yet to be expressed. There may be questions concerning the extent of God’s forgiveness, or the spiritual state of the child. There may be anger about the circumstances of the pregnancy and the irrevocable choice that was made. Whilst professional therapy and counselling might be helpful, it is the word and work of the Spirit that bring eternal healing.
Whatever our past, when we come to Christ we become a new creation (2 Cor 5:17) and we are continually being renewed into the image of Christ as our minds are transformed and brought into line with the perfect will of God (Rom 12:1-2). This is a work of the Holy Spirit, who brings the word of God to us and works in us to conform us to that word (Jn 14:26; 16:13-14). True love and compassion cannot happen independent of God’s word, and neither can deep personal change. As we pastor those who have experienced abortion, we must remember that faithful Christian love and counsel is that which is grounded in the truth (1 Cor 13:6; Eph 4:15), and that only the truth can set us free (Jn 8:32).
Preventing
Of course, as Christians if we are to take the ‘high moral ground’ on abortion we must be prepared to pick up the tab. Single motherhood is financially, physically, socially and emotionally crippling. We are blessed that some women choose single motherhood rather than to abort their unborn.
There is no escaping God’s displeasure at sex outside marriage, but these women have chosen not to ‘right’ a wrong with another wrong. With our Christian sisters we must resist to temptation to be ‘holier than thou’ and instead communicate the forgiveness that God himself freely gives to the penitent (Col 3:13).
As churches we need to support such women, be it financially, emotionally or materially, or even provide an extended family environment in which the mother and child might live.
Instead of living comfortable, individualistic lives, we are to practise generosity and mercy with those less endowed. We need to share the blessings God has given us, exactly so we might share them (Prov 22:9; 2 Cor 9:6-13). And all the more so if these women are our Christian sisters (Gal 6:9-10).
We must strive to make abortion the unattractive solution it really is, by providing reasonable alternatives for those within and without the Christian family.
The way ahead: for women
These are the ways we can extend Christian love to our sisters. But what is their way forward?
Firstly, follow the advice of James in chapter 5: ‘confess your sins to each other’ so that you can be prayed for and pray for others. Choose your confidant wisely, but do not keep your secret any longer. The forgiveness of God that we receive by faith can be demonstrated in the forgiveness we experience within Christian fellowship.
Secondly, acknowledge the emotions of grief and guilt that you find within yourself, even fleetingly, and do something about them. Believe in the forgiveness we have in Jesus and in the Father’s wonderful love for you (1 Pet 5:7), the Father who selflessly gave his only begotten child, so that you might be forgiven for selfishly sacrificing your own.
And finally, hold fast to the sovereignty of God. It is he who holds all things in his hands. He alone can use every experience in our lives for his glory, however dark that experience might be (Rom 8:28). Trust him with the life of your child and trust him to bring some good out of your disobedience. Only he can do that.
Without his grace and might we would all be helpless and hopeless. After all, whatever our sin, as men and women we have all fallen desperately short of his glory and he is our only salvation.
